Magic Didn't Last

Today marks five months since Sofia left us. Depending on the  lens I choose to view that through, I can feel the weight of every single minute of that five months or I can feel like it just happened. Either way I look at it, it remains so hard. I can't put into words just how much I miss her every single day. Not always in a sad way though. Most of the time I spend missing her is actually spent smiling or laughing to myself thinking of the memories I have.  I've done nearly everything suggested to me to work through the grief. I've been working with  an incredible counsellor. I've been writing in this blog.  I've pushed myself to lean into pain and I've given myself permission to take breaks from the grief. I could fill this page with  a laundry list of things I've done since April 14th to cope with the emptiness I feel every day. While I probably feel her loss more than ever today, I am getting better at coping with the symptoms that come from that loss. T...

A year ago today was one of the happiest days of my life. Sofia entered the hospital on July 19th last year. At that time, we had no idea if or when she might be able to come home. Forty-nine long days later, on September 6th, Sofia finally made it home. I still remember pulling into our neighborhood and wondering how she might react. I remember showing her the painted rocks in front of our house that our neighbors had made for her while she was away. I remember it took multiple trips from the car to the house to bring in all the belongings we had accumulated over those 49 days—so many amazing and kind gifts given to Sofia while she was in the hospital would finally be home where they belonged. It felt like a massive milestone at the time, and I recall it giving us a ton of hope for Sofia’s future. So, it’s a little ironic that today was the day I ended up going back to that same place we had celebrated leaving. Today, I returned to Children’s Hospital for the first time since Sofia pa...